When he accused me and my friend of being lesbians…

“What the fuck is wrong with you! She’s a fucking dike!” he said about my good friend, the friend whose phone I was using, the friend who is married to one of his very good friends who have three kids together.  He then suggested that I must want to fool around with her if I was going to sleep over…

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What happened in Mallorca…

“Then, I hear my tiny 104-pound younger sister say “Don’t you fucking put your hands on me.”  I stopped in the middle of peeing, stood up with my underwear around my ankles, and as I walked out the bathroom door, he passed me shouting at me “I’m not dealing with this shit, fuck you for choosing her over me, you bitch” and slammed the hotel room door in my face.”

My sister is one of my best friends. During the time my (ex) husband and I were dating, the two of them became close.  She was in our wedding, helped us tremendously through the planning process, and was very supportive of us as a couple.  For her birthday, the three of us went on a trip to Mallorca, Spain.

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The first time he took his ring off…

My ex-husband was and is ruled by anger. And in time, and through therapy, I learned that anger is a reaction to a feeling. That means that he could have been feeling frustrated, hurt, scared, disappointed, etc. and instead of acknowledging that feeling, he would react in a fit of anger. It is also very important to him that he always be right (stemming from his low self-esteem).  And when I challenged his thinking, he would get angry and we would usually get into a fight. Now let me be clear, it’s not like we were debating philosophical ideals, politics, or religion where we could seemingly get into a heated debate.  Our arguments would be over what actor starred in a certain movie, or what time a doctor’s appointment was the next morning, or something just as stupid. Trivial nonsense. 

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The First Rejection…

I have received feedback from some of my subscribers that are curious to learn more about my divorce.  I figure that before I get to sex after divorce, I would use some of the next posts to give you all a deeper understanding of how and why I got divorced.  For me, it is an extremely scary and hard place to go back to and write about. But, it seems that many of you feel connected to my experiences that I have shared so far, and keeping that connection going is most important to me. So here goes…

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Goldilocks

After being in what I deem to be a sex deprived marriage, I lost so much of myself. I forgot what it was like to be me. And I didn’t allow myself to be who I actually was for so long because if I did, I knew our marriage would fall apart.  I put my ex-husband above all of my physical needs; so much of who I was became suppressed and lost.

After not having sex in over a year, I had become numb to everything and anything sexual. The high or rush that I used to get from male attention no longer existed.  It was as if I had been trained or trained myself to no longer gravitate towards those feelings or that attention. So, here is the story of how one kiss awoke Pandora’s box:

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What happened in Santorini…

When my (ex) husband and I got married, it happened very quickly. There were extenuating circumstances and once I accepted his proposal, we had to get married within a two-month time frame.  Presumably, we didn’t have a traditional honeymoon, so seven months after our marriage, we actually went on what I considered to be our real honeymoon and ventured to the magical island of Santorini in Greece.

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A Sex Deprived Marriage…

“I had to learn how to suppress my sexuality in order to stay in my marriage.”

My marriage was great initially…but I should have left after six months into it. I stayed another three years because I believed that people generally are good and want to better themselves. I believed that we both could be better, better for each other. I believed that we both took our vows seriously and that we both would put in the effort to make things work.  Of course, I now know and have learned the hard way that this is not true.  Just because I wanted to work at things, doesn’t mean that my (ex) husband wanted to.

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