“That’s where the confusion escalated into realizing this person was not going to be enough, into comprehending that reconnecting was a facade, where the frustration and disbelief surfaced, and where I realized he could never love me selflessly the way I loved him.”

When my (ex) husband and I got married, it happened very quickly. There were extenuating circumstances and once I accepted his proposal, we had to get married within a two-month time frame.  Presumably, we didn’t have a traditional honeymoon, so seven months after our marriage, we actually went on what I considered to be our real honeymoon and ventured to the magical island of Santorini in Greece.

Prior to our trip, there was lots of fighting. Things were not okay. I noticed he was becoming very controlling and the lack of sex was already becoming an issue. I think we both chose to ignore all of the issues that were beginning to surface at this point. I walked on pins and needles the entire few days before our flight. I didn’t want to do anything to upset him. After all, I paid for the trip and was hoping that we could use this vacation as a way to reconnect.

Now to back track a bit, a few weeks before our trip, he got upset because he lost his favorite prescription Ray Ban sunglasses.  I called the place he originally purchased them from a year prior (in another state), got the order, reordered them, and had them shipped to me. Yes, I am amazing. I planned to give them to him once we arrived in Santorini.  And of course, he was an ass the entire few weeks leading up to the trip. He was an ass on the first flight, an ass on the second flight, and an ass when we arrived there at 5am in the morning.  Once we got hotel and settled in, we went out to the hotel bar overlooking the caldera (which is one of the most beautiful views I have ever witnessed) and he was still being an ass.  All I remember thinking was, “God please, we are in the most beautiful place I have ever been in my life. Please when I give these sunglasses to him let him finally be happy and let go of all of this negativity.”  So, as we sat there, the bartender greeted us and he began to complain about the sun. He cursed out loud in frustration that he doesn’t have his sunglasses. I then reach in my bag and say “Oh, well I packed these for you.” He was confused when I handed them to him.

“You found them?” He asked in excitement.

“No, I got you a new pair,” I said.  He thanked me. And his mood immediately changed.  Fucking weird.  If you’ve ever been to Santorini which I describe as heaven on earth, you would understand without me having to tell you, Santorini is too beautiful for anything to get you down. It really is heaven on earth. And he couldn’t appreciate it at all…not until he got his favorite sunglasses.

So now that you have a better flavor of how the trip started off, here is where I want to transition the story to sex.  You see I never orgasmed vaginally with my (ex) husband. Oral was the sure thing but he was my husband; he was going to be it for the rest of my life. I wanted to at least try to get off vaginally.  So, before we left on our trip, I purchased and packed a vibrating ring that he could wear over his penis (http://www.trojanbrands.com/en/vibrations/vibrating-hot-spot).   I thought the vibrations could assist me in achieving orgasm.  I talked to him about it and he said he was up for the challenge and I was excited to tackle it together.

As we lay in bed one morning in Greece, I mentioned I wanted to try it and he said he was game. After we both got aroused, I put it on his penis and jumped on top.  I rode up and down and back and forth. It felt amazing. I loved it. We were on the same page, we were reconnecting.  I was in Santorini with my husband and we were going to figure this out together. Now I admit, I’ve never been quick to orgasm (unless I’m doing it to myself), but this wasn’t new information to him. I knew the battery life was only 20 minutes and figured that should be more than enough time.   And as time went on, I got closer, and closer.  I moaned and said, “I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff and all I have to do is just jump.”  Literally, I was there. Ready. Feeling it all through my body, my heart beating fast, my nipples hard, my vagina pulsating, my toes clenched.

“Can you hurry up already,” he responded.

I stopped moving, “What?”

“This is taking forever. I’m going soft. Can’t you just hurry up.”

I was stunned, literally like I had been hit with a stun gun. I was speechless. This is how he responded? He could have said anything else.  I felt like I wanted to become a bear and hibernate for the next season, just hide in black hole somewhere. I couldn’t believe this person that I opened up to so much, my husband that I was supposed to share the rest of my life with, would shun me like that.  After all, he came every single time.   And this time I wanted to try something different, something for me. And that wasn’t ok for whatever reason because it took me “too long” which was in all actuality about 10 minutes.

That was it for me. That’s where the confusion escalated into realizing this person was not going to be enough, into comprehending that reconnecting was a facade, where the frustration and disbelief surfaced, and where I realized he could never love me selflessly the way I loved him.

This story resurrects in my post about “The Captain.” Three years and seven months later, when sexcapading with “The Captain,” I flash back to this moment….