Blowjobs-some of us love to give them, most men love to receive them. Traditionally, blowjobs were not my cup of tea.  That thinking dated back to high school where I would hear young men talk about “getting head” and degrading the women that performed the act for them by calling them a “chicken head”.  I still will never understand why those guys would practically beg girls for a blowjob, and once they got it, they would talk massive shit about her (bragging to friends, calling her a hoe, telling everyone and anyone that will listen what she did).  And then other women would label her as a slut. It just sounded awful.

And that’s probably why it took me so long to ever perform the act.  For me, it was a way of really giving myself to a person, more so than regular sex.  I would rather sleep with a guy and be sure we were both getting pleasure rather than feeling like he’s just using me for a nut.  It took me over six months before I performed fellatio with my first serious boyfriend.  And it took a wedding proposal(from my ex)before I ever let a man come in my mouth.

But for whatever reason in this re-birth of my new-found self, I was intrigued. Everything I ever thought was real and true ended up to be complete bullshit (emotionally and physically), and all of the judgements, thoughts, and previous beliefs about relationship and sex evaporated from my reason post-divorce.

There was something about being with these younger, less-experienced men – I felt like I had more control because there was nothing to lose.  I knew and was comfortable with the fact that there would be no commitment. And because I had nothing to lose, I knew I could never get hurt like I did before. It was invigorating!

As I began to explore my sexual appetite, I began giving more blowjobs.  I liked to try different techniques, learning more about what they liked.  But this time, I wasn’t interested in what they liked to please them, I wanted to know for the sake of control.  I wanted to be able to control how they felt, and when they were allowed to climax.

Almost every guy was different in what they liked.  Some liked more attention at the head of the penis, some liked a longer jerk with a turnining motion, some a tighter grip, some liked it without a hand, some liked a deepthroat and some didn’t.

A lot of these men would climax very quickly.  Maybe their age had something to do with it? Their hormone levels? The fact that I was older and possibly a bucket list check off for some of them?  Either way, I was okay with it because it validated my need for them to desire me.  But I grew curious, after one of my conquests climaxed in under a minute (It may have really only been thirty seconds.)  What is proper blow-job etiquette?

In my google search quest, I stumbled upon some online discussions about length of time a blowjob should take.  One woman was concerned that she was not skilled enough because her beau would last for over an hour and her jaw would be in significant pain the next day.  She wondered if her man was being a jerk and not finishing on purpose in an attempt to keep her going.

The list of responses and how they varied was pretty intense from both men and women (and even a hooker). Some people shamed her claiming that she didn’t know how to give a blowjob if it would last that long, some agreed with her inital rationale that he was lasting that long on purpose, while other said there should never be a time limit when you are trying to please someone. I guess everyone is different, but it got me thinking, how long is the right amount of time to spend down there?

Let me know what you think, submissions are anonymous.