One of my male friends from college reconnected with me after he heard I got divorced.  He reached out here and there, and we even got together for sushi once.  I think he may have had a thing for me, but I wasn’t interested in him sexually at all.  I just thought it was good to be around supportive people and be out there, to experience whatever I was supposed to see.  It really is all a part of the healing process.

I soon remembered that he was friends with someone I thought was really hot back in college; I remembered a lame attempt at hitting on him once or twice when we were both drunk back in the day.  Either way, I figured I’d ask my friend about him and see what his deal was, potentially another conquest.

I soon learned that he was single and definitely ready to mingle.  He loved to fuck, just like me, and my friend would be happy to set things up between us; he actually thought we would make a good match.  So some time went on, and he helped to set us up in the right way.

One random summer Sunday afternoon I got a text that some of the old college guys were getting together at a nearby pizza spot in my town.  My friend said some of the girlfriends and wives would be there and that I should swing by to see my potential new hook-up.  It was last minute, but I figured it’d be good to see each other face to face and see if there was any initial chemistry.

My friend met me in the parking lot and we walked in together and ordered a drink from the bar. We chatted about our day and that I had just come from a bridal shower.  I felt confident and excited to meet a potential new fuck. Shortly after the group of college guys, wives, and my new conquest walked in.  As soon as I saw him, I immediately felt nervous and I wasn’t sure why; I was jittery and almost anxious.  Was I turned on?  He looked calm and cool, wearing a golf hat, t-shirt, shorts, and Sperry topsiders.  His eyes were sky blue and he had a big smile on his face.  As we all said our hellos, he walked up to me and gave me a big hug.  I felt butterflies in my stomach. I was in awe of his presence.

We all ended up sitting down at a table; he and I sat next to each other. Some of us ordered food, and all began to chat. I, however, was still nervous and couldn’t look him in the face. I didn’t know what to even say to him.  It’s great that we were face to face, but now I didn’t want to talk.  It was daytime, we had to actually talk to each other instead of just fuck.  And I couldn’t leave, that would be rude. So, I sat there with these people that I barely remember from college, 10 years later with kids, one was pregnant, and have a sober conversation about nothing.  I also had no idea if he told them about our arrangement, because I’m sure our mutual friend made things clear that it was going to be just a sfuck. It was awkward and I was uneasy, probably because these people were actually my own age. Unlike these younger fuckboys that don’t matter at all.

I didn’t know what to do, other than talk to my friend, our mutual friend who sat across the table from us.  The Blue Sky tried to strike up conversations here and there, and even offered me a slice of his pizza, of which I declined.  I couldn’t eat, I was too nervous.  And I didn’t know what to say or how to carry on the conversation that he was so politely truing to engage me in.  As he caught up with his friends that he hadn’t seen in a while, I sat there and listened.  I began to calm down as I got out of my own head.

And then the guys brought up The Blue Sky’s book, or maybe he brought it up himself.  Regardless, it was a book about his travels all over the world and all of HIS conquests.   WHAT?!? How interesting, I thought! Here, I have this blog I’ve started about all of my conquests and then there is a guy out there that did something so similar?!  He had me read a chapter about a fuck with a hooker out in Thailand.  It was pretty intense and titillating, but also not my story to tell so I’ll leave it there.  His friends had all apparently read this book, and specifically this chapter.  They were all intrigued by what my reaction would be by reading it.  And my reaction – I played it calm, cool, and collected. Because in this moment, it may have been daylight, but it felt like dark. And we may have been in a room full of people, but it felt like just the two of us, speaking our own language – the language of sex.

I was impressed at how open he was in his writings. It didn’t matter if he was wrong, or if he was right. It was what it was which was his truth.  I was amazed at how brave he was to be so open and honest.  And of course, all of his married friends must have had opinions, but he was who he was and owned it. It was mesmerizing. It’s how I have always felt I was.

And just like that we were done eating and it was time to go. We all said our courteous goodbyes.  The Blue Sky gave me a hug and we went our separate ways. Our mutual friend walked me to my car.  I told him that I didn’t think the Blue Sky was into me.  He played it cool and said we will wait and see.  I just figured if he was into me than he would have asked for my number.  Maybe he didn’t want to do it in front of his married friends? Maybe they didn’t know what was going on? I went home not feeling too sure.

Later that night, I got a Facebook message: “hope the reading wasn’t too bad. Here is my cell, should be able to make it.”  And I thought to myself, yasssss another conquest. The anticipation was already getting me excited.