The Hair Ball

This story is one that I was super offended by. It probably won’t be offensive to you; you will probably find it comical and will laugh. I hope you do. If it didn’t happen to me and someone told me this story, I would probably laugh my ass off. But still, I felt offended in this moment as I was still trying to heal from everything that I had been through, and only in a quest for validation.

I swiped right to a photo of a guy with sunglasses on while sitting on the beach in a polo. We ended up matching and started a conversation through Bumble. He was traveling back and forth to Manhattan because he was being recruiting by a computer programming company. I ended up learning that he designed websites and could actually write code like the college kids in The Social Network; he even told me that in college he had drinking games that involved writing code. I had never met someone like this before, so I became intrigued by his confidence. What could he offer me that I hadn’t already experienced? He was so different from most of what I already knew. Could we connect emotionally? Physically? Could he be on my level in life? We continued to talk online for a week and then exchanged numbers.

He ended up sending me a photo of himself in NYC which was NOT the photo I saw online. It was a totally different guy. He wasn’t bad looking, he was still fit and had a good smile, he was just very hairy and a little dorky. He wasn’t who he portrayed himself to be which was really concerning. I asked him why he catfished me and he explained that he doesn’t like having his real photo up on the internet. He said he didn’t want to sound cliché, especially with the industry that he’s in, but he preferred to be private and that he sent me a real photo before things between us continued to an in-person meeting. I was okay with his response, so I allowed the texting to continue, after all I was still interested because of his profession and being recruited to Manhattan. It seemed like he had something people wanted, so I wanted to learn more about the attraction. He eventually asked me out.

We set up a time to meet for drinks and apps and continued to message back and forth. The day finally arrived, and we met out and sat at a local wine bar. We each had a martini and shared an app. We talked for a little and I could tell I felt nothing for him. The vibe was totally friendly, if that. Even more, I remember thinking “this guy is so hairy!” Nothing against guys that have extra hair, but just to help you visualize, he had hair creeping and curling over the collar of his t-shirt (front and back), down his arms, and onto the back of his hands. He was also incredibly dorky, wearing black square shaped glasses. His overall vibe, confidence, and look wasn’t something I was interested in learning any more about.

I didn’t know how to tell him I wasn’t interested. He got our tab, and as he signed the bill he told me that even though he was much younger, he found me incredibly attractive and wasn’t worried about the age difference. I didn’t know what to say, or how to reject him. I nodded my head and said nothing. At the end of the date he walked me to my car. I thanked him and as I put my hand on the door handle to open my car door, he turned me around and planted a kiss on me. Normally I would have been turned on by that kind of dominance. Instead, it felt awkward. My hand remained on the car door handle, my eyes stayed open, it just wasn’t something I was feeling at all. He wanted to kiss for longer, but I politely ended it and we went our separate ways. I didn’t want to feel his tongue in my mouth any longer; but weirdly enough, I loved that he wanted to kiss me. I felt desired.

We texted a little here and there after that. He wanted to get together again, I was always “busy”, then he left the country for a work trip, I left the country for vacation, and I completely stopped responding. So let’s fast forward a month later and I get a snapchat video. It was a video that he took from his viewpoint. He held the camera on his bare chest, facing down towards naked body with is dick in focus; you couldn’t see his face. It was a video in the dark, but he had the snapchat light on so I didn’t miss a thing. He was fucking a girl. The video was of his hairy chest, dick, and upper thighs, zoomed in on this girl’s ass/asshole that was reverse cowgirl on him. I continued watching as she leaned forward, I could see her ass and lips tightly bouncing up and down in his dick.

Ick! I felt repulsed. As I write today what I saw, it’s a total turn on because I’m so removed from this person. To be clear, the girl had a super cute and tight ass, and he remained just as hairy as I remember. But as I remember it, it felt dirty because he catfished me, because of the unwelcomed kiss, and because I thought I did a good job ghosting him. I couldn’t believe that someone that pretended to be so private about their profile, their picture, and their alleged recruitment to a big firm in Manhattan would be so quick to send me a video of some reverse cowgirl action. He obviously sent it to get a reaction out of me, and that he did. I sent him a message, “what were you thinking sending that to me?” After a few hours, I decided it would be best to block him completely. I started to think, “What am I getting myself into? What am I attracting? What am I welcoming into my world?”

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