Exploring Ashley Madison…

He shared with my that him and his wife were not having sex and hadn’t been in a while. He told me over and over how beautiful I was (after sharing photos with him), and he was eager to meet me.  We scheduled a night when we would meet at a restaurant about an hour from where I live.  In that moment of scheduling it all, it seemed exciting and anticipatory. I mean after all, I recall what it was like to be in a sexless marriage.

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The Baseball Player

I continued to look for young guys that I knew I would never have to worry about developing feelings for.  I kept chasing that high, that rush.  But it was slowly beginning to fade with each conquest.  I needed more, like a junkie.  I swiped right on this younger guy that played baseball at a college nearby.  I couldn’t tell much from his pictures other than he seemed cute. We matched online, exchanged snapchats, and began chatting.

I would invite him over once in a while, but he never came over and didn’t really seem about it.  In the moment, that was fine by me because I was getting my next fix from whoever else was coming along.  Then he started to invite me to hang out, and I would blow him off. Eventually, I decided to give in and just go with it.  What’s the worst it could be?

He showed up shortly after I had gotten home from being out and about.  It was dark, and he had just come from his off-campus apartment.  I was cleaning up in the kitchen when he knocked on the door.  I yelled for him to come in.  As the door opened, I looked up to see what he looked like.  He was short…much shorter than he pretended to be in those photographs on Bumble.  I would guess he was probably 5’5/5’6 (and the baseball roster lists him at 5’10).  So that was strike one. Read More

The Virgin

We got into bed and continued kissing. At some point, he stopped and looked at me and asked me the best question I have ever been asked, “Can I go down on you?”

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The Honeymoon Phase

But, why do two of the three phases have the word “honeymoon” in them?  This whole idea of a honeymoon and post honeymoon phases is absolutely absurd to me.  To understand, let’s take a deeper look at what happens in the honeymoon phase and why it creates a post-honeymoon phase…because honestly, it would be easier if we could just start with commitment and pass through all of this honeymoon bullshit.

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The Young Gent

He began to cuddle me from behind. I didn’t want to like the feeling, because it felt so safe and good, like we had done it a hundred times before.  I allowed myself to feel it for a few seconds, knowing this wasn’t anything real, but for some reason it reminded me of what love is supposed to feel like.  It sure was a nice reminder.

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The Captain 2

After sleeping with the Captain, I couldn’t get him out of my head. I had a legit high from sleeping with him for five days – yes, five whole days before it eventually tapered off.  I felt more relaxed, happier, and somewhat euphoric.  My mind would flashback to moments from that night:  him going down on me, to the way his tongue ring felt against my clitoris, to how he fucked me from behind, to how he dominated my body.  At night before bed, I would masturbate to those visuals and relive the experiences, getting high all over again. It was my favorite way to fall asleep. 

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The First Time I Had Sex Again…

Eventually, he leaned in and kissed me, and I felt the spark again.  It felt like electricity running through my body, down my legs and out of my feet, and out of my arms and fingers.  I had that butterflies in your stomach feeling, and I knew I was about to have sex for the first time in over a year, the first time since my divorce.

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Today is the day I am getting a divorce…

I awake to the sound of my alarm.  It’s 8AM and the sun shining through my bedroom windows on this beautiful summer day.  I slowly open my eyes and stare at the ceiling, feeling surprisingly calm.  Somehow, I got a decent nights’ sleep, all the while knowing that today I will go court at 9:30AM to finalize my divorce from my (ex) husband.

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