The Hair Ball

The video was of his hairy chest, dick, and upper thighs, zoomed in on this girl’s ass/asshole that was reverse cowgirl on him. I continued watching as she leaned forward, I could see her ass and lips tightly bouncing up and down in his dick.

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My heart for the Blue Sky

This is a raw journal entry from my time with the Blue Sky…

October 26

I feel more confidant and comfortable about where we are.  I think back to two weeks ago and feel like I was such a nutcase fueled by all my own insecurities.  But he came to homecoming with me this past weekend, and then came over Monday and stayed over.  When I look in his eyes, he melts my heart.  I have become much more confident in being myself around him.  I have become more comfortable telling him things about how I feel – oh this feels, you feel good – to complimenting him – I have never felt more sexually connected to someone before, and you sell yourself short, you are amazing.  He says absolutely nothing when I say these things to him – complete and utter silence.  It used to feel empty, but I don’t feel that way anymore.  And I think that is because I am feeling more confident in myself and do not seek validating from him.  He doesn’t need to say anything back to me right now, not until he is ready.  I can feel our energy continuing to shift.  Before, I would feel uncomfortable and giddy looking in his eye…and now, in the morning, after our overnight, I catch him looking at me and when I look back, he turns away like a little kid with a crush.

…a continuation after the morning…

Today is the perfect rainy day. It’s crazy to think that a year ago, I was in the darkest place in my life, where today I’m on cloud 9.  I was up till 2AM having the most mind-blowing sex I have ever had in my life. The connection I have with my new beau is indescribable. It’s like Carrie and Big, or Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele.  I never really knew that a sexual connection like this could exist; it’s like you can’t believe something like this ever existed until you experience it.  He’s my own personal version of heroin…I would go without eating, sleeping, drinking…just to feel him inside of me.

We were up until 2am last night having sex…from the bedroom, to the shower, to the bedroom, back to the shower, back to the bedroom.  Then we took a brief rest, only to go again before agreeing to fall asleep.  Around 5AM, he woke me up by rubbing his hands up and down my body, stopping and gently waking up my vagina.  We started on our right side when he slowly pushed inside of me, and we continued to me on top, to him on top, to me face down.  As he increased his breath and his speed, I knew he was about to climax.  He pulled out and finished on my butt.  The second he pulled out, it felt like something was missing from me; I wanted him back inside of me.

We cleaned up and tried to go back to sleep.  As incredibly exhausted as I was, I fought between sleep and awake.  I needed sleep, but I yearned for him more.  Around 8AM, I could feel the wind pick up from the window in my bedroom, the rain began to come down, and we were ready for another round.  He climbed on top, looked me deep in my eyes – I could feel our souls touching (is that even possible?) – and entered me again.  Every which way, every position…our bodies danced together.

I made some breakfast and we spent the morning in bed.  The rain began to stop and it looked like the weather may turn around.  He had planned to leave to catch a train home at 11:30 and put his pants on.  But I had to have him again, one more time.  As he lay in my bed on his stomach, I began to kiss his back kissing lower onto his butt.  I sunk my teeth in slightly and smiled on the inside as I felt his body clench up.  I kissed him more and more, using my tongue to trace the area I had just bitten.  I began to pull his pants down lower, and he turned over on his back.  He was semi-erect.  I pulled his boxers down enough so that his penis was exposed and I put it in my mouth.  I began to bounce up and down and could feel him getting more and more aroused.  I knew he wouldn’t let me have this much control for much longer, he grabbed my hair and pulled me back so I was now laying on top of him…

The Blue Sky

I soon learned that he was single and definitely ready to mingle.  He loved to fuck, just like me, and my friend would be happy to set things up between us; he actually thought we would make a good match.

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Exploring Ashley Madison…

He shared with my that him and his wife were not having sex and hadn’t been in a while. He told me over and over how beautiful I was (after sharing photos with him), and he was eager to meet me.  We scheduled a night when we would meet at a restaurant about an hour from where I live.  In that moment of scheduling it all, it seemed exciting and anticipatory. I mean after all, I recall what it was like to be in a sexless marriage.

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The Baseball Player

I continued to look for young guys that I knew I would never have to worry about developing feelings for.  I kept chasing that high, that rush.  But it was slowly beginning to fade with each conquest.  I needed more, like a junkie.  I swiped right on this younger guy that played baseball at a college nearby.  I couldn’t tell much from his pictures other than he seemed cute. We matched online, exchanged snapchats, and began chatting.

I would invite him over once in a while, but he never came over and didn’t really seem about it.  In the moment, that was fine by me because I was getting my next fix from whoever else was coming along.  Then he started to invite me to hang out, and I would blow him off. Eventually, I decided to give in and just go with it.  What’s the worst it could be?

He showed up shortly after I had gotten home from being out and about.  It was dark, and he had just come from his off-campus apartment.  I was cleaning up in the kitchen when he knocked on the door.  I yelled for him to come in.  As the door opened, I looked up to see what he looked like.  He was short…much shorter than he pretended to be in those photographs on Bumble.  I would guess he was probably 5’5/5’6 (and the baseball roster lists him at 5’10).  So that was strike one. Read More

The Blowjob Complex – Take the Poll!

Blowjobs-some of us love to give them, most men love to receive them. Traditionally, blowjobs were not my cup of tea.  That thinking dated back to high school where I would hear young men talk about “getting head” and degrading the women that performed the act for them by calling them a “chicken head”.  I still will never understand why those guys would practically beg girls for a blowjob, and once they got it, they would talk massive shit about her (bragging to friends, calling her a hoe, telling everyone and anyone that will listen what she did).  And then other women would label her as a slut. It just sounded awful. Read More

The Virgin

We got into bed and continued kissing. At some point, he stopped and looked at me and asked me the best question I have ever been asked, “Can I go down on you?”

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The Young Gent

He began to cuddle me from behind. I didn’t want to like the feeling, because it felt so safe and good, like we had done it a hundred times before.  I allowed myself to feel it for a few seconds, knowing this wasn’t anything real, but for some reason it reminded me of what love is supposed to feel like.  It sure was a nice reminder.

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The time the condom got lost….

I’ve heard stories about condoms falling off during sex and getting thrusted deeper into your vagina, but it had never happened to me.  I was with a man that had a pretty small penis, one of the smaller ones I’ve ever seen.

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Acceptance: Changing the Game

It is an incredibly empowering time for women.  We can be open and honest about sex, relationships, and what we want out of life.   Acceptance has become the foundation of this new era.  And women don’t really need men at all anymore…unless it’s worth their while.

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