Today is the day I am getting a divorce…

I awake to the sound of my alarm.  It’s 8AM and the sun shining through my bedroom windows on this beautiful summer day.  I slowly open my eyes and stare at the ceiling, feeling surprisingly calm.  Somehow, I got a decent nights’ sleep, all the while knowing that today I will go court at 9:30AM to finalize my divorce from my (ex) husband.

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The Final Straw…

After everything that I had gone through up until this point, the shock of it all began to subside and denial crept in.  I was in denial about what was happening, and somehow thought we still had a shot even though he moved out and we officially filed divorce paperwork. Although a divorce day was set, after a few months of distance and couples counseling, we decided to try to give it a final try.  He continued to struggle with being the man he wanted to be, the man he told me he was, versus who he really was and his expectations of me.  We began to “date” again.  Unfortunately, it was all half-assed on his part and it felt like we were both were just going through the motions.  We were both unhappy and it was palpable. 

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What happened in Croatia, the second time he took his ring off…

At this point in time, we were about three years into our marriage and a little over a year from when we would actually divorce.  We would travel often, using vacations and traveling as a way to avoid dealing with our issues.  When we were away from everyone, I was isolated and he had more control over me.  In the same way, I felt more at ease because when he was in control, he was calmer.  And when he was calmer, I had less anxiety.  Each part fed off of each other; it was a vicious cycle we were spinning in.

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